Hi all,
Just so I don't loose it to posterity (or disorganization), and so you have more hemmingway-esque readings to get you through your day, I'm going to put out a few posts recapping our 1999 cross country bike tour. A group of 6 of us did an XC bike relay in 10 days; great memories, and some really funny experiences. Here's volume 1; enjoy!
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DISCLAIMER: In the interest of being me, I will include “reasonable” stories about adult topics. I will try to moderately control the language, unless it is germane to the story line. If this offends you – well, tough shit…
Riders Overview
Cliff Anderson
Cliff lives in Phoenix, and is the classic definition of an engineer. Incredibly wired, tons ‘o energy, excellent biker especially climbing), great analytical mind, and of course, as taught to him by his stint at Kodak – analysis paralysis. He is the trip mapper, having built up a 200 page mapset down to the cracks in the road. He’s compiled elevation, distance, high/low temperatures for every 30ft of the trip. His lovely wife Val will be our host in Tempe overnight.
Riders Overview
Cliff Anderson
Cliff lives in Phoenix, and is the classic definition of an engineer. Incredibly wired, tons ‘o energy, excellent biker especially climbing), great analytical mind, and of course, as taught to him by his stint at Kodak – analysis paralysis. He is the trip mapper, having built up a 200 page mapset down to the cracks in the road. He’s compiled elevation, distance, high/low temperatures for every 30ft of the trip. His lovely wife Val will be our host in Tempe overnight.
Gary Austin
Lumpy to those who know and love him, the biggest asshole on the face of the earth for those who don’t . Basically, no middle ground here. Also holds the title for the heaviest rider. For this ride, will go by the name of “Il Campione” (voted on by the other riders – no, really)
Gill Burriack
Gill’s taking a summer off of work to (a) ride or (b) reproduce. Well, anyway she’s turning into quite the rider. She just completed a 10 day bike trip in Utah/Colorado so in the scheme of things she’s probably in the best relative shape of any of us. She also has the widest hips (by a large margin). Her handle for the trip will become “snowbunny”. She brings the feminine element to the trip – no wait, that’s Tom’s role…
Gill’s taking a summer off of work to (a) ride or (b) reproduce. Well, anyway she’s turning into quite the rider. She just completed a 10 day bike trip in Utah/Colorado so in the scheme of things she’s probably in the best relative shape of any of us. She also has the widest hips (by a large margin). Her handle for the trip will become “snowbunny”. She brings the feminine element to the trip – no wait, that’s Tom’s role…
Jerry Erb
Nicknamed “Festus”, Jerry’s everything the gunsmoke character was – gosh dag it, dag blang it, that’s there-ins a right big hill up there. We haven’t seen a lot of Jerry over the last few years as he’s been building railroads all over the world – China, Korea, Atlanta. He’s also an engineer (blows the train whistle) and helps us a lot when mechanics don’t work correctly – usually by starting with a piece by piece decomposition of the faulty device, architectural drawings, a metal fatigue analysis.
Tom Gallagher
Likely the most unique in the group (as he’s the only one neutered – oh, never mind, that’s most eunuch), Tom is a great hill climber and holds the team record for most near fatal diseases before the age of 40. Picture the scene – about 105lbs., totally shaved head, earring(s), and a really cute butt – no strike that I was just thinking of something else…..
Likely the most unique in the group (as he’s the only one neutered – oh, never mind, that’s most eunuch), Tom is a great hill climber and holds the team record for most near fatal diseases before the age of 40. Picture the scene – about 105lbs., totally shaved head, earring(s), and a really cute butt – no strike that I was just thinking of something else…..
Chris Williams
Chris is the most worldly of the group, having climbed in Ecuador, and had sex in Conesus (near Rochester), all in the same year. Our major project is to keep him out of the trailer parks where he does most of his “shopping” if you know what I mean…
Friday
And, they’re off. On no, wait, they’re on delta, I guess they’ll sit around for a while in an aluminum tube at 95 degrees while Daryl, Daryl, and Daryl the Kentucky mechanics fix the O ring. Doesn’t much matter that there are no O rings on this jet – it was a term that they were familiar with from that there space thing that blew up.…
So, I arrive in LA over an hour late. I’ve forgotten just how much fun LAX is – a billion people, nobody speaks English, can’t breathe through the smog, and absolutely filthy. Other than that, basically the same as new York…
I track down Chris at the Reno Air terminal where he’s just come from, having checked out the local br, er, ah, gambling establishments. Chris is a welcome site – someone my size with a 100lb+ pack on his back that I incorrectly assume he will be carrying throughout the ride so that someone will be slower than me.
We first call the other 4 in SanDiego, and decide that due to the lateness of the flight, that they would start the first rotation without us and we would real them in later in the afternoon. That of course was before we found out the you are only allowed to drive 20mph for > 2 HOURS in LA, that after spending 1 HOUR+ going the 12 miles to the RV place, and having to relearn Spanish to even get the RV.
Chris and I hit the road and start trying to cut a line to catch the riders. They of course are out on their own excursion as we later find out, having given Cliff the first 2 hour pull and he riding for oh, something like 6 hours before they finally catch up to him. Probably someone else will cover this little dittie.
We FINALLY real them in at 9:00 at night, after a disheartening 8 hour chase. They are trying to make El Centro, near the Mexico/CA border before bedding down. They are quite the site to behold, Gill riding with a fluorescent orange vest, lights everywhere, and the van flashing right behind them. Gill pulls the last leg into El Centro, and rustle up a fleabag motel room to compliment the RV. God, it just doesn’t get any better than this.
Chris is the most worldly of the group, having climbed in Ecuador, and had sex in Conesus (near Rochester), all in the same year. Our major project is to keep him out of the trailer parks where he does most of his “shopping” if you know what I mean…
Friday
And, they’re off. On no, wait, they’re on delta, I guess they’ll sit around for a while in an aluminum tube at 95 degrees while Daryl, Daryl, and Daryl the Kentucky mechanics fix the O ring. Doesn’t much matter that there are no O rings on this jet – it was a term that they were familiar with from that there space thing that blew up.…
So, I arrive in LA over an hour late. I’ve forgotten just how much fun LAX is – a billion people, nobody speaks English, can’t breathe through the smog, and absolutely filthy. Other than that, basically the same as new York…
I track down Chris at the Reno Air terminal where he’s just come from, having checked out the local br, er, ah, gambling establishments. Chris is a welcome site – someone my size with a 100lb+ pack on his back that I incorrectly assume he will be carrying throughout the ride so that someone will be slower than me.
We first call the other 4 in SanDiego, and decide that due to the lateness of the flight, that they would start the first rotation without us and we would real them in later in the afternoon. That of course was before we found out the you are only allowed to drive 20mph for > 2 HOURS in LA, that after spending 1 HOUR+ going the 12 miles to the RV place, and having to relearn Spanish to even get the RV.
Chris and I hit the road and start trying to cut a line to catch the riders. They of course are out on their own excursion as we later find out, having given Cliff the first 2 hour pull and he riding for oh, something like 6 hours before they finally catch up to him. Probably someone else will cover this little dittie.
We FINALLY real them in at 9:00 at night, after a disheartening 8 hour chase. They are trying to make El Centro, near the Mexico/CA border before bedding down. They are quite the site to behold, Gill riding with a fluorescent orange vest, lights everywhere, and the van flashing right behind them. Gill pulls the last leg into El Centro, and rustle up a fleabag motel room to compliment the RV. God, it just doesn’t get any better than this.
Next up: Saturday (duh...)
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