Title Quote courtesy of Warner Brothers (Lethal Weapon)LEFT: Ascending Colby Pass looking down on Colby Lake (we climbed up through the saddle in the picture top, this was taken the next am when we're climbing up towards Colby Pass)
RIGHT: Lumpy in his usual position, just before leaving the forest and going above treeline
The climb today was substantial again, another 5,000 foot uphill, over rocks, with switchback. But, the view was priceless. We were basically ascending through a saddle in between a series of 10-12,000 foot peaks. Our destination today is Colby Lake...which could be anything from a field of sand, to a lovely mountain lake...you really don't know till you get there, as there's little snow left on the peaks, and the creeks coming out of the lakes are draining them down quickly. Ah, hydrologics in motion...
On the way up the pass, I pause to do the "one finger blow" with my nose, known as the most effective way to clear trail dust out of ones nostrils. I continue on hiking, and a few minutes later notice that my shirt is covered in blood; as is my hand, my hiking pole, my watch, and my short. In fact, I'm bleeding worse than a steer at a slaughterhouse (I put that in for all my vegeterian friends). Blood is just pouring out of me, like a lamb at Yom Kippur (I put that in for all my jewish friends). In fact, blood is pooling on the ground, like...oh well, you get the idea. Lots and lots of blood, probably 4-5 quarts or more. I holler up to Dr. Karen, who's a bit uphill of me, "Help, I'm dying". In her usual compassionate doctor voice, she yells back "Well, hike your lumpy ass up here and I'll take a look at it". Like it's not worth her while to hike back DOWN to me to make sure that I'm not dying. After working on it for a few minutes with toilet paper and such, she says "Well, we're going to have to stick a tampon in your nose to stem the bleeding".
OK, not I've done a bunch of really weird and dumb stuff in my day (breaking a table in half with my head at an indoor water fight while dressed in a pink ballerina outfit with a helmet on comes to mind, as an example) but NO FREAKIN' WAY am I going to stuff a tampon up my nose. I don't care if there's no humans for 20 miles in any direction. Upon hearing this, 4 other hikers (named Cliff, Bob, Karen, and Frenchy) appear from nowhere, camera's in hand, all waiting for that "special moment" when the tampon is hanging out of my nose. Didn't care a bit about me beforehand, didn't care that I was bleeding to death. But, hey, have a "Kodak Tampon Moment" and they're all there for me!
Anyhow, the gods must have taken pitty on me, because as Karen is getting the tampon out, low and behold, the bleeding stops. Or, maybe I just ran out of blood. Whatever, I'm happy, the tampon is happy, and the camera crew is in tears.
Continuing on up the pass, 20 lbs of toilet paper stuffed up my nose (and let me tell you HOW MUCH FUN it is to try to hike up a vertical wall, at 10,000 feet, with just one usable nostril), we come across "Shovel Boy". Shovel Boy was a 20 something hunking stud, on summer ranger detail, hiking around shirtless on the trails, and resetting rocks where trails were collapsing into canyons. After prying Dr Karen off him, he told us all kind of good stories, like the time sweat dripped down his chest and he had to wipe it off himself, and the time back when he only had a six pack, instead of his current 8 pack, oh, and the time that his biceps were still under 20 inches.
Frankly, I was ready to pit Cliff against him in a battle to the death, well, except for the fact that cliff is under 120 lbs, and his six pack is basically the imprint of his liver and spleen popping through his skin. So, we decided to let him live THIS TIME...
So, we ended up loosing a couple of prime hiking hours, but it was worth it just to quell Dr Karen's libido (you say lib-e-do, I say lib-i-do). Perhaps now the moans won't be so loud all night from her tent.
We make Colby Lake by nightfall, and it was incredible. As turquoise as any lake I've seen anywhere, crystal clear, and even warm enough for a (short) dip. We all get a good swim in, get cleaned up for the first time in a few days, and lay outside for a while watching the most incredible starfield. Nothing like sleeping "2 miles high"!
From near the top of the world (or at least CA)
Lumpy out
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