Capri: Italian for "Paradise"

TOP: Re-Lumpying in Capri

2nd: A grotto pool, with Capri map

3rd: Lunch on the island (NOTE wine bottle)

4th: View westward from town

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After the hellish night in Naples, most anything would have been a step up. Then, there was Capri. Capri was an island paradise, incredible vista's of the Meditteranean from 1,500 feet up on "the rock", fantastic native food, excellent native wine (@ $5/bottle), and great shopping. Luckily for me, our bags were full, so the shopping was limited.

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We spent 3 days on Capri, and would have done far more had not Rome called to us. My favorite story from Capri was that we were sitting having lunch at a local bistro. After finishing our first bottle of local wine, I wanted to order another. Ms. "let's keep you out of AA" my lovely wife "suggested" that we didn't need another. At that point the fellow at the table next to us leans over, pours me a glass from his bottle, and says "you can never have enough wine". So, I just HAD to drink it...along with the 4 ADDITIONAL BOTTLES that he ordered.

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As we're drinking for another hour or so, we're talking with the next table about traveller stuff. They were a group of 6 all related who were on their way to see the Giants-Dolphins game in London...via Capri! They felt they needed some wine first, I guess.

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Anyhow, the one gal says that they're from Texas (so, obviously Giants fans..you figure it out). So Kathy says "Oh, it must be so embarrasing to have Bush from your state". The woman replies "Oh, George is my first cousin". Kathy gets that look on her face and says "Oh, I'm sorry". The woman says "Don't worry about it". Kathy replies, "No, I'm sorry that you're related to him, THAT's got to be embarrasing"!

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Her husband holds up his glass, toasts to the line, and we spend at least another hour drinking his wine...what fun!

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Tomorrow, off to Roma!

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Isla Lumpy out

Naples: Italian for "shithole"

LEFT: Naples harbor from the ferry outbound to Capri

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The best part of Naples is leaving it. The city is dirty, the drivers are insance, the people are rude, and the food sucked. That pretty much sums it up; Camden, without the ambience.

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One Naples story however. Upon arrival back from Capri (next post), we grab a taxi from the marine harbor to the train station, because we cannot stomach another walk through Naples streets. We get in the cab, and he proceeds to blast about 60mph through the city streets (remember, I've been in NYC, Boston...not even close to this experience). At one point he is driving on the tram tracks, with a tram approaching us. Then, the rear hatch of the taxi pops open. Kathy and I reach out back to grab our luggage as it is falling out the door. As we do, a Naples motorcycle rider comes from nowhere pulling up to the open hatch, and tries to grab our luggage out. As we're fighting with him, the taxi driver slams on this brakes, the hatch slams shut, we go flying, and the motorcycle guy slams into the back of the taxi. But, at least we still have our luggage!

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We continue on towards the train station. The driver cuts down a one-way alley (the wrong way of course, but who's counting), and drives up on the sidewalk when another car comes at us. This leads to his driver's side mirror beings torn right off the taxi by the approaching car. The taxi driver just cusses out the other driver and keeps on going.

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We finally get to the train station, leap out of the car, and bolt to our train. "Mario Andretti's" tip should cover the cost of his new mirror.

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Florence in Pictures

Now I'm pretty much anything but an art afictionado, but even I had to take pause at the volume and level of artwork available in Florence; churches, palaces and squares adorned with glasswork, paintings, statues, and such. The city was just incredible, and I suspect that if you went there for a year, you'd still be discovering new things every day. The pictures just don't do it justice....go check it out for yourself.

Smart Guys Dead in Florence

TOP: Michaelangelo crypt

2nd/3rd: Machiavelli crypt and statue

4th/5th: Galileo crypt and statue

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One church in Florence had the crypt of Michaelangelo, Galileo, Machiavelli, Dante, Marconi (radio), Fermi (physicist) and a host of others. The irony in it all was that the catholic church probably fought most of their teaching, as they did with Galileo. He was put under house arrest (and died there, broke and blind) during the Inquisition, for teaching that the earth was not the center of the universe. Those popes, they knew their science.

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Luckily for him, the catholic pope in 1992 (almost 400 years later) expressed regret for how the incident was handled...not that agreed with Galileo's conclusions or anything like that.

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Lumpy, the Science guy out

Give Me Beef!!!!!

As we were now 4-5 weeks into our trip, we were turning protein deficient. There was no meat in Africa, and the meat in the Central EEU was pretty bad for the most part. So, when we came upon the "Il Latina" restaurant in Firenze, we were totally wired.
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US friends had told us to check this restaurant out, so we did. Upon arrival, we got in queue for when the doors opened. By the time they opened, there were probably 200-300 people in queue...all meat deprived also, and salivating. We started talking to the people in front of us in line, and, surprise, they had gotten married and lived in Rochester for a number of years. Then, the two girls behind us chime in, and one of them had gone to school in Rochester and lived there for a few years. How bizarre is that...4,000 miles away, waiting in a restaurant line, and the 3 groups in a row from Rochester.
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Anyhow, we get in the restaurant, sit down at the community tables, and meet our dining mates. One one side are two longtime lady friends, one from NYC and one from Seattle. On the other is a Swedish former stewardess (70ish, looking about 30) and her granddaughter. We make friends and begin to eat.
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Now eating in Italy is an experience itself, and eating at Il Latina is an adventure. Our model-like Italian waiter just starts bringing us food....endless, humongous portions of food. Antipasto...cheeses...soups...risotto...the food just keeps on coming.
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We're 2 minutes into the meal and already the gal from NYC is telling me to "F off", and the gal from Sweden is telling me how nice it is that I'm not like that NYC gal. The meal spins out of control, as I attempt to get the waiter to ask out the NYC gal, who is longing for some "sweet italian meat" (as I referred to him).
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Finally, the highlight of the evening...they bring the meat platter. We get chicken, beef, lamb, veal, and probably 10 other meats that I have no idea what they were. I'd say roughly 15lbs of meat for the 6 of us. I proceed to move into meat-overdrive, and after NEARLY 2 HOURS of meat only eating, finish the entire plate. The Swedish stewardess looks at me, slowly stands up, and begins to applaud. She say that was the most incredible eating display that she has ever seen in her life. I feel honored and humbled.
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3-4 hours after we start, we finally finish our meals, and roll out the door in a meat-induced stupor. Although it's only about a mile back to our convent lodging, it takes us several hours, as we can barely walk. The meat is just sloshing around inside our intestines.
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If you ever get to Firenze, do Il Latina...you won't be sorry.
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"Meatman" Lumpy out

Statue Time

TOP: Statue of non-nude guy...somebody made a mistake I guess

2nd: Statue of nude guy

3rd:Statue of really famous nude guy

4th: Statue of 2 nude guys...somebody worked overtime on this one

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Firenze was the seat of the Renaissance in Italy, and nobody does the Renaissance like the Medici's! Incredible statues, palaces, and artwork. And one thing those Medici's knew...it was nude guys. Nude guy paintings and statues everywhere. In the palaces, on the streets, in the churches. It's enough to make a catholic priest go into overload!

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We began our Firenze tour by hitting the medici palace. It was an incredible sight to behold, with artwork in every corner of the building, including endless frescoes on the ceilings. It really has to be seen live to be appreciated...pictures just don't do it justice. We then made the "Tour de Churches", hitting numerous "small" ones (equivalent to a cathedral here in the US), and some "big" ones (equivalent to the Pentagon). The main domo was amongst the largest buildings I've ever seen, and easily the largest church by several orders of magnitude. And, outside every church, was old, one-legged, Italian women begging..or sometimes young, pregnant women holding 1 or 2 babies wrapped. Begging is very commonplace in Italy, and was a bit of a shock to our US sensibilities. Here were these incredibly wealthy churches, and yet they let people beg on their doorsteps rather than helping them. WWJD?

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Impressed, but saddened Lumpy out

You say po-ta-to, I say Po-tat-o

LEFT: A Wonderfully ornate bed at the Firenze convent we lodged in.
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After an outstanding stay in Venice (my new favorite city in the whole world!), we went to train down to Florence. We went to the Venice train station, and, low and behold, no Florence. Damn, did Bush bomb Italy too!


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Turns out that the Italians call Florence "Firenze". So, after wandering around the station for a while, we finally figure that out. What the heck is the matter with them, not naming their city in english?


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We train down to Firenze, and upon exiting the train station find out we have about a mile walk to our hotel. So, we start walking, and come upon wonder #1 of Firenze...scooters. Scotters everywhere, all makes and sizes, with no sense of traffic laws whatsoever. They drive on the sidewalks (such as they are), through lights, across squares, and, basically just insane. You take your life in your hands just walking down the sidewalk, to say nothing of trying to cross a street.


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Wonder #2 of Firenze are the sidewalks. They are basically about 1/2 a person wide, filled with people walking, scooters, tables from the bistros, garbage bins, dogs, one-legged old italian women begging, and on and on. You cannot make forward progress on a sidewalk, it's just impossible.


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We finally arrive at our hotel, which, in a bit of sheer irony, was formerly a convent. Kathy has selected it just to bust my round ones. It is however a beautiful place inside, and we get the Mother Superior room...where else would you put me up for the night! If I didn't have a lock on hell before that night, I certainly do now.
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Bound for hell Lumpy out

Venice Architecture in Pictures

TOP: The mighty tower that stands astride the main palace, and the main cathedral. It collapsed around 1900 with no warning, and was rebuilt

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2nd: The main square outside the main palace and cathedral

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3rd: Neptune statue outside the armory, which still makes gondolas 500 years after opening

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4th: I think they called this a Byzantine arch. They were very cool, and the first we had seen in Italy.

Venice...a World Heritage

TOP: Traffic jam on a Venice waterway

2nd: A "street" in Venice...usually filled with hundreds of walkers

3rd: The main fish market...packed all day long

4th: Gary just lion around...ha, ha.

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We arrived in Venice starting to worry if Italy was overhyped as a tourist destination. Venice rectified that immediately. Venice is an incredible city; there are no vehicles allowed in the city...no cars, no trucks, no scooters, no motorcycles, and even no bicycles. I don't think hamsters even get a wheel. Everything moves either by foot (on land) or boat (on water). And make sure you don't confuse the two.

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We exited the train at Venice station, and the first thing you notice are the smells...smells of every kind, bread, cookies, garlic, and many others. The most cosmopolitan smell place I've ever been. Because of the absence of internal combustion engines, you actually can hear and smell "the city"...and it's magnificent.

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The city itself is set on an island, surrounded by a lagoon with numerous barrier islands. Within the main island is the "Grand Canal", and from there are interwoven scores of smaller canals. Large "water taxis" motor the Grand Canal, and smaller boats ply the smaller canals. In an interesting twist, the "front doors" of most houses and palaces are actually on the water side, usually tied directly into a boat dock.

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Finally a true "pedestrian city". We walked the streets for about 10 hours the first day, taking it all in. That evening we bedded down, with high expectations for tomorrow's walkabout.

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That serenity was shattered at 6am when the, oh, 400 churches all begin chiming their bells in their "call to mass". Bells after bells after bells...it went on for about 30 minutes, from every direction, in every tone, and at every volume level. Well, we were awake, so we got dressed and headed out. While we're dressing, a really loud alarm goes off, for about 3 minutes. Now, where we've lived, a really loud alarm means either (a) a tornado is inbound (Cincinnati), (b) the local nuke plant has melted down (Rochester), (c) earthquake (San Diego), or (d) the Sox won the world championship again (Boston). We had no clue what this siren was for, but it was probably important. I ran down to the main lobby, asked what was going on, and got "It's a test for when we have high water". So, they have to test this 200db siren at 6:15am on a weekday, IN CASE THEY HAVE HIGH WATER. Oh man, what moron thought this one up... probably some civil service worker.

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Anyhow, we're awake so we headed out for another day of walking..and walking...and walking. We did about 12 hours today, making the far end of the island, the residential district, the (original) jewish ghetto, and the fish market. Nothing Kathy likes better than a fish market, what with it's smooth smells and aura of cleanliness. And this one was a beaut....fish heads everywhere that you trudged through, All manner of marine creatures, with arms, legs, fins, gills, and blank stares (because they're all dead). I may never get the smell of that fish market out of my head.

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Venice was also where we started to experience one of the negatives of Italy, the pervasive rudeness. They (not just Italians, but all the tourists also) push, shove, cut queues, cell phone everywhere, and generally have a very different rude tolerance than we do in the US. In one memorable episode, kathy was buying stamps at the post office window. A woman cut the line, came up to the window, and physically pushed her aside, to get her stamps. Screw everyone else. Then, while everyone in queue was yelling at her, she basically chinned them off, like it was their fault. Rude, rude, rude. And, it was everywhere.

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But, all in all, Venice was truly world class, a very unique city, and one that I would return to in a heartbeat. It would just be more magnificent without all those pesky people there!

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Gondola Lumpy out

Milano...Why, Oh Why?

LEFT: Main dumo (cathedral) in Milan

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Everyone told us "Don't bother going to Milan". We didn't listen. We learned a lesson...

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Milan is a working city, with little sightseeing to be had, people to full of themselves to be friendly, stuffy clothes-horses showing off their Armani, Versaci, Prada, and Crapola suits.

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We were now 0 for 2 in Italy, and starting to worry if this segment of the trip was going to be a bust. After the pedestrian Netherlands, the classic Czechs, and the alpine swiss cities, we thought Italy would be just incredible. Nutin' yet...

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Armani-less Lumpy out

Holy Crap, There's Italians Here

You'd never think that 100 miles could mean so much; man, was I wrong. As soon as we crossed from Lugano (Switzerland) to Como (Italy), everything changed. They speak different. Their sense of time is completely different. They ride sexy motorcycles instead of frugal scooters. They have edible food. Of course, there's some negatives, such as no more blondes. But hey, it's worth the trade-off.

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We expected a lot from Como, given this was where the stars hang out (i.e. George Clooney). What we got though was a somewhat decrepit town that seemed quite full of itself. Very disappointing, especially after the great time we had in Lugano.

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On a positive note, I did get to start reversing the "germanic nutrisystems plan" and begin to re-Lump. After 4 weeks on the road, I was down around 15 lbs (97.2 kg), and feeling downright skinny. Italian food should remedy that quickly!

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Re-Lumping Lumpy out

Lugano; Alps Town Extraordinaire

We sadly left Zurich to continue on southbound towards Italy. But, to get there, we had to first go over the near impenetrable barrier that kept the germanic hordes from the civilized romans...the Alps.

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As we only had a couple of days to tour the Alps, we elected to do a day in Lugano on the Swiss side, and a day in Como, on the Italian side. The train ride from Zurich, through the Swiss Lake country, and then up through the Alps was magnificent. Serious rock; I must go hike it some day!

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We exited the train at Lugano station, only to come face-to-face with the dreaded Funicarello; Swiss for "the freakin' train is vertical". It's basically a box with wheels, where they cram in 40 people, let the brake off, and the train plummets down the side of the mountain to the city center. On a positive note, death in Lugano beats death in, oh, say Zimbabwae.

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Lugano itself is an incredible city. Situated on an Alpine lake, surrounded by steep mountains, it is just a beautiful vista. We took tour boats around the lake, walked the entire town, and dined along the water. Definitely one of the prettiest venues we have ever been to.

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Tomorrow we cross the spine of the Alps and head over to Italy. Goodbye Switzerland, we'll miss you.

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Lumpy of the Alps out

A Clock by Any Other Name

TOP: A clock

2nd: A clock

3rd: A clock

4th: A clock

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OK, so Switzerland has a little clock problem...no wait, that's a REALLY BIG clock problem! Everywhere you go, clocks, clocks, clocks. On building, on sidewalks, in flowerbeds. Every room in every building, restaurant, hotel has multiple clocks. But, that's not the weird thing....no, the weird thing is that EVERY SINGLE CLOCK IS SYNCHRONIZED. Not one is even a minute off. It's just plain freaky.

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Of course, we would later find out that this was a great thing, as once you get to Italy not only aren't the clocks synchronized, sometimes even the calendar days are different. In Switzerland every single train is on time to the minute...every store opens and closes to the minute...Swiss people also have their morning constitutional at 7:13am to the minute (it causes quite a water pressure problem daily).

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Other than that little clock thing, Zurich was a marvelous city....fewer smokers, clean, far less graffitti than plagued the rest of Europe, incredibly polite and friendly people, and, although like Germany they had nothing that actually resembled meat, they at least had awesome cheese. Lots and lots of awesome cheese. Cheese for breakfast; cheese for lunch; cheese for dinner. Kind of a lactose intolerant fairlyland.

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I could live in Switzerland; cheese and clocks, doesn't get any better than that.

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Yodaladeoh Lumpy out

Say "Cheese"...on to Switzerland

Kathy having a "Near to God" experience while downing real Swiss cheese fondue in Zurich.

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Gary is already passed out on the floor from the lactose-intolerant pains...

A Castle in the Sky

We'd never been to a real castle before; even if we had, I suspect Prague Castle would have outscaled anything that we could have imagined. Situated on a hill, along the river, and above the center city of prague, it was probably a mile across or more. The front doors of the castle were some 50' high, and the towers seen in the middle pix above had something like 1,200 spires. It was hands down the most imposing structure I have ever seen. Try to see it before you leave this earth; you won't regret it.

Lumpy out

Prague Castle in Pictures

TOP: Castle Back Gate Left & Right - the statues not good enough to make the front gate

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MIDDLE: Kathy with castle fountain

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BOTTOM: Gary with lion in front of castle garden